Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Ladies of Fiction: Lisbeth Salander

Lisbeth (and Mikael) surrounded
by adoring fans
Lisbeth Salander, a lady?  I hear you cry in confusion.  How does a surly, piercing studded hacker chick deserve to be called a lady?! 

Simple, I reply, Lisbeth possesses the raw power and determination that any lady should be proud to call her own.
One of the most vital points of being a lady is learning not to judge simply by appearances.  Lisbeth may not wear the elegant gowns or comport herself in the manner we tend to associate with a lady, but what she lacks in overt appearance she makes up for in her internal fortitude.  Lisbeth’s life, from the start in the novels, is a harsh one, in which she is branded insane and thrust into the uncaring maw of asylums and foster homes.  She regularly is mistreated and/or outright abused, and generally has her life made a living hell.  It has damaged her, without a doubt.  Her withdrawn personality and spike riddled appearance serve as armor against a world that has proven itself utterly untrustworthy. 
That being said, however, Lisbeth does not lie down and die.  She does not give up.  Every time someone tries to destroy her, she rises again with a vengeance worthy of the Furies themselves (notably, my friends and I have recently introduced the term ‘Lisbeth’ as a unit of measurement for female rage).  Given all the suffering she has been through, Lisbeth could be forgiven for shutting herself off completely from the world.  Instead she takes her gifts and fire-forged determination and uses them to fight against those who would hurt her or others.  In spite of everything, she overcomes her obstacles and, in her own, asocial way, manages to develop friendships and even romantic relationships.  It isn’t easy, and at the end of the novels it is clear that Lisbeth is still in many ways her ever prickly self, but Lisbeth’s determination never wavers through it all. 
Every life is touched by suffering to some degree.  Sometimes that suffering is great, sometimes small, but the exact size or degree aside, it can make us want to shut down, curling in on ourselves against the world.  What we can learn from Lisbeth is how not to do that.  Obviously, we can’t (and in most cases shouldn’t) lash out at the source of our suffering as Lisbeth does, but we equally cannot allow whatever tragedies occur in our lives to bind us, blind us, and shut us off from the world.  It may seem impossible, and in some cases perhaps the trauma really cannot be overcome, but if a person does not try, how can one ever find out?  Better to take a note from Lisbeth and fight against that which seeks to damage us, rather than meekly lying down and allowing it to rule us. 

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Building a support system

So you have your ideal ladies and a real lady to show you the ropes.  What’s the next step?  Funny you should ask, because the next step is establishing a good old fashioned bunch of girl friends who will stand you in good stead no matter what happens.  These girls are your support system, there to help you through whatever gets thrown your way.  These are the gals you call when you have to figure out if you should date a fellow, and they’re the ones you confer with over tea when you decide to dump him and move on to greener pastures.  You have lunch together (and dinner, and possibly a slumber party, followed by breakfast, followed by lunch AGAIN…) as often as you can, and no matter how much time you spend together, you never get sick of them.  These are your girls, your compadres, sisters from another mister, and all other such terms that denote a coterie of the best friends imaginable. 
My support system in action :D
To some degree, dear reader, you probably already have a support system in place.  Rare is the girl who has absolutely no friends.  The key to creating a support system is making sure you have friends who are friends with each other, thus providing mutual support.  Remember, these are the girls who are willing to protect you and help you no matter what, and for some events it remains a fact that you need more than one person to deal with it.  When it comes to celebrating birthdays or chasing off unwelcome male attention, groups are always better.  Satellite friends are also important (individuals who don’t belong to your core group), but having that central base is vital. 
As you go about assessing your support system and how you will manage it, it’s also a prime time to remove the toxic friends from your life.  And trust me, you probably have one or two.  We all know these people, the unpleasant individuals who you can’t seem to get rid of even though they contribute nothing but misery and/or petty cruelty to your life.  These people sow nothing but discord and trouble, and as such need to be evicted from your life pronto.  This is also the time to get rid of one’s frenemies (which differ from toxic friends in that toxic friends still pretend they’re your friend, while frenemies are decidedly unpleasant and antagonistic, but you just can’t get rid of them), and if there are any girls hanging around you who are a less than respected companions, it’s probably better to send them on their way to find better suited friends of their own. 
At long last, you’ve completed the four most crucial steps of becoming a lady.  You’ve built a strong foundation of friends, advisors, and have gained insight into yourself.  Now that you have the ‘skeleton’ of being a lady in place, it’s time to flesh it out with skills, manners, intelligence, and style.  So stay tuned for ensuing articles on the many and varied ways that will help you become a lady.
Humbly yours, Victoria
P.S.  If you have any specific questions about being a lady, feel free to email me at countesscrow@gmail.com, at which point I will answer your question and post both question and answer (your name will be omitted) to the blog as part of Definition of a Lady’s advice column.